Life has been a bit overwhelming for me lately. My job is currently causing a great deal of stress. The last couple of days have been so bad that I am having trouble eating because the stress is making me feel sick.
There is also a blanket of tension covering the whole office as some co-workers are not getting along and some are not being team players. Normally I’m pretty good at staying out of any conflict or tension. I get along with everyone, do my job the best I can and maintain a positive attitude. I’m usually the one telling my colleagues not to stress so much because it will all work out.
But this week, even as I stay out of conflict, the negative atmosphere is so thick that it is choking me. I found myself needing to step away today more than once to keep from letting it get to me.
Things outside of work have been challenging as well. I have moved out of my apartment for two weeks because a week after I moved in I began having an allergic reaction to something. I’ve been to the doctor several times, applied gels and creams and even took steroids for 12 days, but it would not heal. I’ve been dealing with it for six weeks now.
So I have moved out for a bit, and I am having the apartment looked at and completely cleaned to check for anything that may be causing my symptoms. But before moving out on the weekend I spent weeks of getting very little rest because I was scratching so hard in my sleep that I was waking up bloodied and bruised. My arms have not been a pretty sight lately.
Today the lack of sleep, as well as the insane stress resulted in my emotions overflowing.
As I drove the 40 minutes to my parents’ home this evening, the storm that raged outside my car couldn’t compete with the explosion of my tears. I cried until I could barely breathe.
Do you ever have one of those cries? Where you are gasping for breath, tears streaming down your face, choking on your sobs? Your body is almost convulsing and your chest is heaving up and down?
It was an epic cry.
It was a cleansing cry.
It was all of my emotions – annoyance, frustration, stress, fatigue and sadness – bursting out of me, like storm waves collapsing a river dam.
Why am I sharing this?
It may appear I am looking for sympathy, or simply just complaining. I’m not.
I am sharing this because it is a reminder to me that I am only human. I can only do so much. I can only stand strong for so long.
I can try to hold my emotions in, put on a happy face and move forward.
But if I don’t face what I am feeling or going through, it will eventually force itself out of me. As it will for anyone.
Sometimes I need that reminder that I don’t always have to be ok. I don’t always have to stand strong and pretend everything is fine.
As I was driving, the thunderstorm pounding on my little car, I hit a break in the weather half way to my parents’s house.
As the road curved and I looked ahead through my windshield, I saw it.
It was faded against the dark clouds, barely visible through the rain. But it was there.
The colours didn’t look right against the grey sky. It didn’t belong in that picture.
But it was God’s little message to me.
Even a bad storm can create a rainbow.
Something beautiful is waiting for us on the other side of the rain.
Tomorrow is a new day.
The storm will pass.